market

I present to you this tote from Japanese brand Undercover:

Undercover-Military-Inspired-Tote-Bag

I hear guys with girlfriends always talking about how painful it is to have to go to farmers markets.  Oh your beautiful girlfriend wants you to keep her company while she shops for delicious fresh ingredients to assemble into a meal for your can-barely-microwave-a-pizza-pop sorry ass? She even treats you to a slice of pie or a cookie while you’re there?  Man your life sucks.  I’m sure you would much rather be sitting on a Starbucks patio, cold and alone like me, hoping that girl you really like texts you about doing something in _ days, providing a glimmer of hope.  Anyway back to the point of this post… you hate farmers markets and you don’t appreciate your girlfriend.  Well I’m here to help you with both before she realizes she somehow got duped by your average looks, and the initial “dumb guy” charm she liked so much at the beginning wears off.  Realize that the farmers market is just another convenient place to outdo all of the basic bozos with your everyday street style, and boost your #menswear self worth.  Don’t go over the top with this or you’ll be made, out and stick out like a sore thumb.  Now some of you are probably like “yea I’ll wear a suit!” WRONG, you won’t wear a suit… this isn’t an accounting conference Brody, it’s an assembly of vendors and random hippies with delicious goods for sale, perused by a relaxed crowd with nothing more than a recipe calling for freshness, and an unscheduled few hours on their hands.  You’ll wear some nice jeans, a casual jacket that works with the current weather / season, and some cozy but stylish shoes (think leather, textured, or even something with a blast of color).   The real truth is in the accessories… that’s where this tote comes in, and it comes with a three pronged purpose: 1) No other guy there is going to have a tote this nice, and with military influence even… this will gain you style points with your girl which can be redeemed later 2) You’ll want to fill this tote up (MENSWEAR 101:  Totes look best full) and coincidentally she will have both hands free to pick up and examine gourds and the freshness of the kale. 3) Because of your chivalry and her free hands, you’ll be treated to little hugs, bum pinches, casual face-grab kisses, hair tousles, and other cute stuff girlfriends (I hear) love to do in public to make you feel special.

The tote is actually even on sale half price right now at Haven for $368.  “But Mike $368 for a tote?  Won’t a regular $3-$5 tote from IKEA or a grocery store work the same?”.  Ugh, that’s the exact type of thinking that will not only lose you the beautiful girl, but also respect amongst your #menswear peers.

Thoughts?

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