Fit looking like an old-money Dad on a tropical vacation, standing in the buffet line for 3rds:
$1250 over at Mr. Porter. The type of people that buy this shirt are completely oblivious to the fact you can actually clothe your naked body for less than $3000. You’ll be chilling with them on your yacht, run out of margarita mix and make the suggestion to dock so you guys can run to WalMart to grab more. They’ve never been, and are intrigued after you tell them WalMart sells a wide array of goods. You get there, and their mind is absolutely blown when they see a 6-pack of Gildan crew neck white t-shirts for $12. After doing some quick mental math you inform them they could buy approximately 250 of the Gildan white t-shirts instead of one of the $505 Loro Piana white t-shirts they normally wear as an undershirt. You barely get your sentence out and you both burst into laugher at the absurdity of such a thought… I mean the Loro Piana is a silk blend, hardly comparable. $7 margarita mix in hand, you head to the front of the store to pay. Your friend is absolutely flabbergasted that self-checkout monitoring lady doesn’t seem to know what bitcoin is, and that WalMart will not accept it as payment. He’s getting heated… you tell him to chill, pulling a roll of $100 bills out of your Prada swim shorts. The lady asks if you’re a Guy Fieri fan; you’re not sure who that is, but you reply “A huge fan!” anyways.
Customized Alpha Industries M-65:
The $375 “Anarchy Field Jacket”…. since removed from the Barney’s NY website. Nothing says anti establishment like showing up to the protest fitted in your mass produced anarchy jacket. Save yourself the ridicule, buy the $180 blank Alpha Industries one, get a few different marker colors, and come up with your own designs / witty phrases. You’ll thank me later. Instead of everyone thinking you’re an undercover cop “HELLO FELLOW PROTESTERS, IT IS I, ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT KEVIN WITH MY *CUSTOM* JACKET”, people will see the way you made the blank jacket your own and show silent respect.
New from Dolce & Gabbana for A/W 2017:
Paisley print background with the dog admiral painted portrait on the front? Oh wow. I was thinking about this this shirt all day, and almost thanked a yellow lab for his service when I was out for a walk earlier. He was a working dog with a 1000 yard stare, so thankfully it wouldn’t have come across as too weird.
I feel like the tucked in look the guy is rocking is very on brand, but too uptight for this particular shirt. Call it disrespectful to the design if you want, but I think I’d try wearing it unbuttoned with a clean white crewneck t-shirt underneath. Maybe a gold cuban link chain around my neck, with some plain black tapered denim on the bottom and some clean black chelsea boots.
$675 over at Dolce & Gabanna. As they say “you gotta pay to play”… thankfully there’s also a $475 long sleeve t-shirt, so you can still flex even if you’re poor. That last part was a joke. I feel like I’ve been out of this blogging thing for a while I probably need to ease you guys back into my writing style (if anyone still follows this).
Thoughts?
Valentino with a pattern they call Camupsychedelic for S/S 2015:
A basic woodland pattern with alternate sassy colors. Color me not impressed.
Head over to the Valentino website to see the full Camupsychedelic lineup. Pictured above is the $1590 nylon windbreaker.
The Comme Des Garcons ‘Peace’ t-shirt:
$195 CAD ($155.79) from SSense.
Your girlfriend always wants to get you something really awesome for your birthday. She pays attention to everything you say, so she knows what you’re into… military stuff, camouflage, that olive color etc. You’re a nice boy, but like to think you’re edgy. She saw this shirt on SSense and saw it had so many things you like, including that non threatening yet potentially edgy “Soldier of Peace” painted lettering along with the bonus flipped “Strong lover” just to let em know. *clicked, CC info type in… shipped… wrapped*. Flash forward two weeks to your annual special day… the celebration of your birth. You tear the thoughtful camouflage pattern paper off the glossy white SSense box and take a deep breath while you raise the lid. Instantly your brain says “OH SHIT”, but your smiling cheek to cheek and you give her a huge hug and a kiss, and say thanks. You instantly feel like a piece of trash, because you’re already scheming and plotting on ways you’ll have an unfortunate accident, rendering the shirt unwearable. The look in the picture is the exact look you see in the mirror when you’re alone and try it on for the first time.
Nike Lab x James Lavelle:
Available at Haven – $700 CAD ($563 USD)
Haven describes it as a bomber / varsity hybrid. Talks about the lustre of polyester, supple wool blend, and premium tumbled cow leather. Are the cows tumbled (tipped?) or is the leather tumbled after the fact? Kidding fam. I feel like I have to call audibles on jokes on this site sometime. Many you guys think there’s something wrong with me for talking about this stuff in the first place… gotta be safe and assume a joke-question about tipped cows might not be caught.
The jacket itself is pretty hot, I must say. Classic MA-1 pocket on the sleeve, and they tossed us another outer pocket on the chest. The tonal olive fabrics they use definitely work. What the hell is up with the black unintelligible patches though? That shit is straight ISIS. Like if ISIS had a dope stylist, he (yes HE… I’m not trying to be sexist here but ISIS is not going to have a female stylist) would lace the whole crew in actual ISIS versions of these, along with the all black Balmain bikers and some black on black Common Projects Achilles’. Think of how fire they would look posted up with the black balaclavas and AKs too? WOOOOOOOOOOO, now that’s what I call marketing terror to the fashion obsessed Western world. The best part would be, even though take home weapons of war are no longer allowed, jackets definitely are. When the whole lot of them are dead I’d call a favor in to have one of these show up at my doorstep FedEx International Priority. I’d deface the patches, and USA USA USA the shit out of the jacket. Might even be a savage and keep the blood on the fabric for authenticity, carry around the certificate I obviously would have copped from the DNA lab showing that the blood does indeed contain human and goat DNA. Can’t fade me. If you run into me, better have Allstate with you. All day.
James Lavelle (who I hadn’t heard of), started a UK based record label called Mo’ Wax. He must be doing alright for himself if he is famous enough (or has enough money) to have a Nike collab… I haven’t heard of much in their discography tbh.
Thoughts? Would cop in current version, or war take-home ISIS version?
